Parti Rhinocéros Party

The platform promises of the Rhinoceros Party included:

 

• Repealing the law of gravity 

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• Providing higher education by building taller schools

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• Instituting English, French and illiteracy as Canada's three official languages

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• Tearing down the Rocky Mountains so that Albertans could see the Pacific sunset

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• Eliminating unemployment by abolishing Statistics Canada, thereby eliminating the bureaucrats that measure unemployment                                                                                                 

• Making Montreal the Venice of North America by damming the St. Lawrence River                                                                                                   

• Abolishing the environment because it's too hard to keep clean and it takes up so much space
   

• Annexing the United States, which would take its place as the third territory in Canada's backyard (after the Yukon and the Northwest Territories—Nunavut did not yet exist),
  in order to eliminate foreign control of Canada's natural resources                                                                                                            

• Ending crime by abolishing all laws
   

• To provide more parking in the Maritimes and to create the world's largest parking lot respectively, paving the Bay of Fundy and the province of Manitoba 
   

• Turning Montreal's Saint Catherine Street into the world's longest bowling alley
   

• Amending Canada's Freedom of Information Act: "Nothing is free anymore; Canadians should have to pay for their information".
   

• Making the Canadian climate more temperate by tapping into the natural resource of hot air in Ottawa.
   

• Storing nuclear waste in the Senate: "After all, we've been storing political waste there for years                                                                                                                                                      

• Adopting the British system of driving on the left; this was to be gradually phased in over five years with large trucks and tractors first, then buses, eventually including small cars, and bicycles and wheelchairs last.                                                                                         

• Selling the Canadian Senate at an antique auction in California                                                          

• Putting the national debt on Visa                                                                                                               

• Declaring war on Belgium because a Belgian cartoon character, Tintin, killed a rhinoceros in one of the cartoons
   

• Offering to call off the proposed Belgium-Canada war if Belgium delivered a case of mussels and a case of Belgian beer to Rhinoceros "Hindquarters" in Montreal (the Belgian Embassy in Ottawa did, in fact, do this)
   

• Painting Canada's coastal sea limits in watercolour so that Canadian fish would know where they were at all times
   

• Banning guns and butter, since both kill
   

• Banning lousy Canadian winters
  Building a bridge spanning the country, from Vancouver Island to Newfoundland.
   

• Making the Trans-Canada Highway one way only.
   

• Changing Canada's currency to bubble gum, so it could be inflated or deflated at will.
   

• Donating a free rhinoceros to every aspiring artist in Canada
   

• Counting the Thousand Islands to see if the Americans have stolen an
   

• The Rhino Party also declared that, should they somehow actually win an election, they would immediately dissolve and force a second election: "We Rhinos think that elections are so much fun, we want to hold them all the time"                                                                    

They also declared victory after one election, claiming all candidates were Rhinoceroses, whether they knew or acknowledged it: thick-skinned, short-sighted, mean-tempered, etc.

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And the promise that summarizes all the promises: 

Do not respect any promise.